My Striving and God’s Provision
Written by Katie Walker
From the very beginning of creation, God has been providing abundantly. Genesis 2:16-17 says that God told Adam that he could eat from every tree in the garden, only not the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. But in Genesis 3:6 we read that Eve, ignoring the lush provision of God, sees something that looks good, and reaches to take the nice-looking fruit, striving with her own wisdom instead of trusting that God was providing solid ground and lush resources for her.
That's just like my striving. I'm reaching for cheap “life,”and ignoring the provision around me. I’m seeing something that looks nice, and I’m taking it in my own “wisdom” instead of trusting God. My way seems more efficient, more effective, more reasonable. But it always comes up empty. I’ve heard this sort of message hundreds of times, but recently God has been revealing it in a deeper way. There have been many big and small ways in my life where I've seen something nice and taken it for myself instead of looking to God to provide a way. Some of those things even feel noble and virtuous – but actually destroy me slowly from the inside.
I keep striving to project a certain image, to please everyone who has an opinion, to have the right kind of marriage, to be the right mom, to feel the right way about my relationship with God, to be right, to avoid making mistakes, to have a clean home always, or to be a fully independent person while also having a family that relies on me. Every thing I think I need to fulfill on my own has already been provided for by God. I don't have to defend myself when I’m confronted with my sin because God provides me with his full acceptance. I don't have to preserve my pride – because God has provided me with a determination of priceless value. I don't have to hold onto hurts – because only God will provide healing, and unforgiveness will destroy me. I don't have to win an argument to feel validated because right or wrong – God has provided me validation in my identity as his own. I can give grace to others because it falls on God to hold them accountable for their actions. I can be rejected by others because God is not leaving me and is constantly reminding me of my worth. I can be vulnerable and honest with others because God knows my deepest secrets and does not condemn me.
But all these things I'm striving for are cheap and self-absorbed. The phrase “Let go and let God” may be clichéd – and I recognize how it could be used to dismiss people – but recently I’ve discovered its deep truth for my striving. Instead of seeing something that looks good and taking it for myself, I can “let go” of my need to be justified or validated in my way, and “let God” show me his infinite justifying power, and his deep validating love for me. Though sometimes I may feel that I’m free-falling and need to accomplish all things for myself, when I look around at what God has promised me, I can see that I’m actually standing on solid ground surrounded by the lush provision of the kingdom of God!
Written by Katie Walker